p331 [From the French.] MY DEAR -, - I take account of public discipline. Whatever be the feebleness of brethren, I find that it is important before God to give to discipline all the weight of faith. To me it is a principle all the more settled, that the church is feeble and in disorder. I own that one may be mistaken in particular cases, but to acknowledge the church of twos or threes, is for me an essential thing. This necessarily causes reserve in my intercourse with you; it does not change my affection or desire to see you happy and blessed, but affects our communications.

There is another thing: I do not say that you would not have recovered peace with God, but there is another consideration, namely, the way and the government of God towards those whom He loves. … The impression remains with me, that on some points your heart is not altogether open - face to face with yourself and with God. There is, up to a certain point, a desire to hide more or less what has passed; it is human nature; but when it is a question of knowing if a soul is restored, that is everything, so to speak. I do not wish to know evil of you, and much prefer not to know it. If the soul is restored all the past is null, and I wish to forget what could only cause the heart sorrow. If God remembers it no more, His own may well do as much. Such is not my difficulty; the only question is if the soul has now judged all the evil. The judgment of evil in its roots, and power over self - deliverance from the power of sin - go together. You must not confound peace and communion. One may have peace, not have the least thought of anything being imputed to one, and not have the joy of communion, because there is something that grieves the Holy Spirit, or some forbidden thing that the heart retains, or a state of soul where there has been evil, and where, though recovered from it, the work of God in the heart is not accomplished. I do not think some forbidden thing is your case; it may be that something yet remains to be done that communion may flow in the peace of the soul. …

Confidence destroyed is the most painful thing in the world; the consciences of brethren are shocked, their hearts distressed. It may be that the effect of it is manifested, but it is not for you, dear -, to complain of the lack of tenderness or of consideration in your own case. I am sure that when the work in your soul is completely accomplished you will become reconciled with those whose confidence you have destroyed… There is the natural pride to overcome, as well as the judgment of the fruit that the flesh has produced. Humility before man is often the best proof of restoration before God. I prefer being behind your expectation as a man, to failing in faithfulness, in a truly divine interest for your soul before God. You may be certain that if you were really restored, and that the results of grace were produced in your heart, the past would never remain in mine as something against you. The forgiveness of God is for me the source of happiness; it leads me to rejoice with those who are pardoned, not to impute evil to them or to remember it. You can count on that; what I look for is a melted heart, softened, distrustful of self, a heart where the new man prevails in every respect over the old man. The evil of the old man is easily forgiven, when there remains (in a practical way) but the new.

There, dear -, is what holds me back. There is reserve, waiting, not lack of interest or of heart for you, but a waiting for the work of God. It does not seem to me to be entirely done. It is no lack of affection to desire that it may be. …

London (Ontario), October 2nd, 1862.

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