p154 Dear Miss Loudown, - Be assured you shall have my prayers, as I am sure you will of many other saints. And as I said to -, not only then but now, it is a serious position in which you are placed, not only, as it ever is, the influence that a wife exercises on a Christian, in danger (as the apostle teaches us) of caring for the things of the world to please his wife, but the rather in the case of a workman of the Lord, and who has been blessed as such. You may be blessed to your husband if God graciously leave you together in this poor world, as strengthening and comforting and encouraging him, and praying for him in the weariness and trials which accompany the service. But do not seek to relax his energy. A wife sometimes likes to have her husband for herself, and when her husband is the Lord's labourer, it is a great evil. I have known a wife spoil a labourer, and a husband as to herself too, in this way. A husband is bound to care for his wife, consider her, and do anything but neglect her: it is surely most evil and sad when he does. But the wife of a labourer for the Lord must put his work and labour before herself; or rather it should be herself too, and this can only be when she lives with and for the Lord. The world claims it, and officers' wives must take their chance, so to speak, and cannot help themselves; but sometimes we grudge so much to the Lord. But a wise wife who seeks first the Lord herself, puts Him first for her husband, and does not love him the less: it is a bond; and her husband will honour and value her, and so will the Lord too.

Another danger is where a wife likes to see her husband made much of - very natural; but I have seen labourers wholly spoiled by this - creating ill-feeling in his mind, because he had not the importance she thinks he ought to have, and irritating him against others. Let her honour him - all right - and minister to his service all she can, but remember he is the Lord's servant, and keep peacefully in her own place, not meddling with his relationship to his labour, or a rock amongst whom he may be, only helping as she may very much in it, and leaving it there. Women often see things or motives clearer than men; but if they act by insinuations or small means in these things, it is ruinous. Let them be with the Lord for themselves if their own pride is wounded (for it is their own) in their husband.

Having said these two or three words, with the privilege of an old man before whom many things, and sometimes sorrowful ones, have passed, I have only to beg you to be assured that I have done so, as I now write, really in sincere sympathy and desire of a full blessing. May He be with you! Many and rich blessings flow from Him in these channels, if we look to Him in them. Trials? Yes. God sanctions fully all these natural relationships, but sin being in the world, sorrow will follow in their track; but the gracious Lord is come where sin and sorrow had come, no doubt to raise us to far higher blessings, but not to forget us in the path of trial in which we walk down here. He could be moved with compassion when He saw the sorrow, and He has learned His lesson well, and can look to and feel for us now.

But your privilege is to live with your husband as heirs together of the grace of life; and then all will be well even in a world of sorrow; and I can only trust you may find abundant communion with him and joy, and joy together in it. Make, and may he make, the Lord the first object, the real bond; and the rest will come. And remember, a labourer's wife (as indeed any) must be first with the Lord, and then not be curious about his labour, and all that passes; but his comfort and encouragement, his cheer in it, and sharer in his sorrows because she lives with the Lord.

Very truly, yours in Him.

You hardly expected such a line as this. However, I was led on, and beg you to consider it as a proof of interest in your happiness.

Nismes, February 18th, 1872.

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