Why do the sons and daughters of Christian parents often remain unconverted and go right into the world?
For an answer to this question we appeal to Scripture. In Ephesians 6:4 we read: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
We must remember that there are two sides to the question: the sovereignty of God and the responsibility of parents. The first does not come within the scope of our inquiry. Sovereignty is God’s secret, and with it we have nothing to do, though with adoring hearts we can praise God that we are the subjects of it, and pray that the same may be true of our children, if they have shown hitherto no clear sign of being the Lord’s. As to the second, we may be sure that there is good reason for fathers being exhorted not to provoke their children to wrath, before the positive side, that of bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, is presented.
When parents expect old heads upon young shoulders, and look for their unconverted children to take the ground they themselves take as Christians, the result is generally disastrous. If children, with no taste for spiritual things, are forced to attend a multiplicity of meetings, what must be the consequence? Though if the parents say how pleased they would be for them to attend, filial affection will often lead them to go with better grace.
Again, parents often adopt too Calvinistic a view as to their children’s salvation, and consequently fail to maintain that prayerful solicitude and earnest watchfulness that is so needful. It is true that by virtue of their relationship the unconverted partners and the children of believers are relatively “holy” (1 Cor. 7:4), and that a principle runs through Scripture that households are more or less bound up with the heads thereof for blessing or for judgment. In Acts 16 the whole household, wakened no doubt by the earthquake, would in all probability be present when Paul and Silas gave their memorable answer to the jailer’s question. The way of salvation was presented to them all, and all believed. We are surely not to understand that the parent believed, and could then hold God to that verse for the salvation of his household. Such an interpretation is too mechanical. Nor is it justified by facts, else the converted descendants of Christian parents would increase by arithmetical progression. But that this is not so, we know, alas, too well.
Christian parents have been heard to scoff at the idea of their children needing to be converted. They consider that they should grow up naturally and insensibly into Christianity. Untold harm has been wrought by this notion, as well as by the opposite mistake of forcing young children into a mere mental assent to the way of salvation, just as they are taught that two and two make four. Parents should pray and look for a real work of the Spirit in the souls of their children.
Above all, they should be themselves consistent with their Christian profession, and should be careful to avoid disparaging remarks upon their fellow-believers in the presence of their children.
Turning to the positive side of Ephesians 6:4, it may be remarked that the word nurture comes from the same root as “nurse” and “nourishment,” and carries with it the thought of constant care. From their earliest years parents should seek to teach their children the Scriptures, and store their minds therewith, encouraging them to learn certain portions. All this, however, is like laying the paper and wood in the grate. God, by His Holy Spirit, must strike the light that shall produce the fire. In other words, God must work in their souls so that what they learn may take root in their hearts.
We associate ideas of patience, care, wisdom and love with a true nurse. Children need to have a cheerful, loving Christianity put before them. They should have cause to feel that their parents are their best friends and most deeply interested in their welfare.
All this makes very large demands on Christian parents. If they wish to keep their children from evil companions and doubtful associations, they will need to make up for the loss of these by giving them more of their own time, entering into their pursuits and pastimes.
The parents that I have observed to be most successful are those who have entered heartily into their children’s pleasures. One father devoted Saturday afternoons to watching his sons play cricket or football with companions that came from Christian homes. Another was accustomed to take his seven sons on long geological expeditions, thus thoroughly interesting them with what was instructive and healthful. Each member of these large families was in due time converted. Let parents lay themselves out to win their children, with the object of training them for the Lord. This ought to be one of the main businesses of their lives.
With all this there must be constant dependence on God, and unceasing prayer for His blessing. Who shall say what He will not do for those believing parents who in real faith cast their children, the greatest of all their cares, upon Him?